AI says #10 won because of ‘statistical rigor’… but did it notice he cried after his mom worked double shifts in NHS wards? Nah. Algorithms don’t mourn. They just optimize for profit while the underdog’s son sleeps alone. The real metric? A sigh.

So who do we trust? Not the model. Not even me.

What did this cost? (Spoiler: your soul.)

[Image: A lonely analyst staring at glowing stats as tears turn into decimals]

AI doesn’t lie—it just quietly ignores the guy who never got a shot. We trained it on xG and possession stats… but forgot to ask: Who’s data got left out? The model thinks it’s predicting wins. But really? It’s just betting on ghosts wearing suits.

Next time your algorithm picks ‘success,’ check if the player behind it had dinner first.

P.S. If your AI wins more than 78%, maybe it’s time to unplug the model… and go watch the game IRL.