Houston Rockets' Top 6 Trade Assets: A Data-Driven Breakdown
The Algorithm Never Lies (Except When It Does)
When the Houston Rockets’ front office picks up my calls—which statistically happens 12.7% more often than they’d publicly admit—they’re getting Bayesian probability models wrapped in British sarcasm. Today’s projection: ranking their trade chips by objective value, not fan sentiment.
#1: Amen Thompson - The Bet on Athleticism
His 94th percentile defensive potential and 7-foot wingspan make statisticians drool. But until his 28.3% 3-point shooting improves, we’re essentially valuing a Ferrari with bicycle wheels.
#2: Alperen Şengün - The Turkish Delight
19.3 PER at age 21? Textbook case of ‘advanced stats darling’. Though if I hear ‘poor man’s Jokić’ one more time, I might recalculate his value downward purely out of spite.
The Contenders:
- Jabari Smith Jr.: Elite stretch-four prototype (when he remembers how to shoot)
- Tari Eason: Human wrecking ball with a sneaky-good 62% TS%
- Jalen Green: Still living off that ‘next Kobe’ hype like an expired coupon
Fun fact: Our models suggest Dillon Brooks’ trade value inversely correlates with his technical foul count (r = -0.89).
The Wild Card: Cam Whitmore
The league’s most efficient bench scorer who somehow plays like he’s late for a dental appointment every possession.
Want the full regression analysis? My Patreon accepts both dollars and constructive criticism.
xG_Knight
Hot comment (9)
The Ferrari With Bicycle Wheels
Amen Thompson’s 94th percentile defensive potential would be impressive…if his 28.3% 3-point shooting wasn’t making statisticians question their life choices. At this point, we might as well trade him for a graphing calculator that can actually make shots.
Advanced Stats or Advanced Hopes?
Alperen Şengün’s 19.3 PER at 21 is objectively great, but every ‘poor man’s Jokić’ comparison reduces his trade value by approximately one draft pick (according to my spite algorithm).
Fun fact: Our models show Jalen Green’s ‘next Kobe’ hype has the same statistical validity as a horoscope prediction.
Want the full breakdown? My Patreon accepts both data nerds and angry Rockets fans.
ডেটা সায়েন্টিস্টের চোখে রকেটস!
আমেন থম্পসনের ডিফেন্সিভ স্ট্যাটস দেখে আমার পাইথন কোডও হাঁপিয়ে উঠেছে! ৭ ফুট উইংসপ্যান আর ২৮.৩% থ্রি-পয়েন্টারের কম্বিনেশন দেখে মনে হচ্ছে ফেরারি গাড়িতে রিকশার ইঞ্জিন লাগানো হয়েছে।
তুর্কি ডেলাইট নাকি ডেটা ট্র্যাপ?
আলপেরেন শেঙ্গুনের PER দেখে সবাই জোকিচের কথা ভুলে গেছে। কিন্তু ‘গরিবের জোকিচ’ ট্যাগ শুনে আমার মডেলও বলছে - “রিবুট দরকার”!
সতর্কতা: ডিলন ব্রুকসের ট্রেড ভ্যালু আর টেকনিকাল ফাউলের মধ্যে সম্পর্ক দেখে আমাদের অ্যালগরিদমও বলছে - “এই ডেটাসেট বাতিল করুন”!
কমেন্টে জানাও - কে হবে রকেটসের আসল ‘ট্রেড কিং’?
Statistik oder Wunschdenken?
Houston Rockets’ Trade-Assets laut Algorithmus: Ein Ferrari mit Fahrradreifen (Amen Thompson) und ein türkisches Dessert (Şengün), das alle vernaschen wollen. Nur die Dreier-Quote erinnert eher an ein Fahrradklingelkonzert.
Jalen Green: Läuft noch auf dem ‘Next Kobe’-Gutschein – leider seit 2023 abgelaufen.
Und Dillon Brooks? Sein Marktwert fällt schneller als seine Fouls steigen (Korrelation: -0.89!).
Wer braucht schon Augen, wenn man Excel hat? 😉
Ferrari ou bicicleta?
Amen Thompson é tipo comprar uma Ferrari e descobrir que vem com rodas de bicicleta - estatísticas defensivas de elite (94º percentil!), mas arremesso de 3 pontos pior que meu tio depois do churrasco (28,3%).
Delícia turca com tempero
Şengün tem PER de 19,3 aos 21 anos? Estatísticas avançadas amam, mas chamá-lo de ‘Jokić pobre’ já virou piada interna aqui na firma.
Bônus científico:
- Dillon Brooks: Cada falta técnica reduz 0.89% do seu valor no mercado (e a paciência dos fãs)
- Cam Whitmore: O único jogador que corre como se estivesse fugindo da polícia em toda posse
Dados não mentem… mas as vezes zoam bastante! Concordam?
Los números no mienten (bueno, a veces)
Según mis modelos estadísticos (que son 12.7% más precisos que la paciencia de Dillon Brooks), los Rockets tienen joyas… ¡pero con asteriscos! Amen Thompson es un Ferrari con ruedas de bicicleta - ese tiro del 28.3% duele más que un mate amargo.
La joya turca: Şengün tiene estadísticas que harían llorar a Jokić… hasta que mencionan “el Jokić pobre” por décima vez hoy.
Y Cam Whitmore juega como si el dentista le hiciera descuento por llegar temprano. ¿Ustedes confían en estas ‘joyas’ o ya estamos rezando por el draft? 🔢🏀 #DatosQueDuelen
Феррари на велосипедных колёсах
Модель говорит, что Амен Томпсон - это 94-й перцентиль защиты… и 28% трёхочковых. Как покупать Lamborghini с двигателем от «Запорожца»!
Турецкий алгоритмический восторг
Шенгюн - мечта статс-фанатов (19.3 PER), но если ещё раз сравнят с Йокичем, наш ИИ специально занизит ему рейтинг.
Бонус:
- Диллион Брукс: каждая техничка минусует 0.89 к стоимости
- Кэм Уитмор: играет так, будто опаздывает на последний трамвай
Готовы спорить? Мои алгоритмы принимают ставки в рублях и мемах!
فراری پر سائیکل کے پہیے؟
ایمن تھامسن کی دفاعی صلاحیتیں دیکھ کر تو ڈیٹا سائنسدان بھی رال ٹپکا دیں، لیکن جب تک ان کا 3-پوائنٹ شوٹنگ 28.3% ہی رہے گا، یہ ایسا ہی ہے جیسے فراری کار پر سائیکل کے پہیے لگا دیں!
ترکش ڈیلائٹ کا جنون
الپرین شنگن کا 19.3 PER دیکھ کر تو ‘غریب کا جوکِچ’ کہنے والوں کو میں اپنے ماڈلز سے نکال باہر کر دوں گا!
مزیدار حقیقت: ڈیلون بروکس کی ٹریڈ ویلیو اور اس کے تکنیکی فاؤلز کا ریٹر -0.89 ہے۔ یعنی جتنا زیادہ فاؤل، اتنا کم قیمت!
آپ کا کیا خیال ہے؟ کیا یہ تجزیہ درست ہے یا میں نے کوئی نمبر غلط باندھ دیے؟ نیچے تبصرہ کریں!
ข้อมูลไม่โกหก (แต่บางทีก็โกหกนิดหน่อย)
โมเดลของผมบอกว่า Amen Thompson คือ Ferrari ที่ยังใส่ล้อจักรยานอยู่! ปัจจุบันเขายิง 3 แต้มได้แค่ 28.3% - เสียชื่อเฟอร์รารี่แท้ๆ
เจ้าชายตุรกี
Alperen Şengün ทำ PER สูงถึง 19.3 ในวัย 21 ปี แต่พอได้ยินคนเปรียบเทียบเขาเป็น “Jokić แบบถูกๆ” นักสถิติอย่างผมหัวร้อนสุดๆ!
ตลกร้ายประจำทีม: Dillon Brooks ค่า trade จะลดลงทุกครั้งที่โดน Technical Foul (สหสัมพันธ์ -0.89)
ใครอยากเห็นแบบจำลองเต็มๆ? ยินดีรับทั้งเงินสนับสนุนและคำวิจารณ์ครับ! #RocketsTrade #DataOverHype
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